at midnight, i walked back from packing the spokes car. a few hours later, i found myself calling my parents about a white shelf that i mistook as stanford furniture and figured out how to store it for the summer. i set an alarm at 8 to escape stanford’s rde’s final inspection. and then i started to sob—overcome by all the novelty, intensity, and brevity that being 18 in college brings.
four hours later, i wrangled myself out of bed. lugging a deceptively heavy green duffle bag while carrying my plumply stuffed backpack, i headed to stanford’s digital education building to finish packing. part way through the trek, i couldn’t remember where my phone was (foreshadowing), but my duffle was so heavy that i decided to quell my suspicions (bad choice).
my location said that my phone was by nitery theater. twenty minutes later, it was by lathrop (which is not close)! then a couple minutes after that, it died (my mom told me to charge my phone that morning). you know, there are a lot of kernels of wisdom i could take from this life experience but for now, i choose to see this as my digital detox, my nature-injected becoming.
i then went to the mall to pick up a pair of sunglasses i paid expedited shipping for. i even brought my macbook with a screenshot of the email confirmation in case that was required. as you can see, i was doing important, measured work.
then, we left. the sandy, spanish architecture joined the grassy bay—i could see the wealth continuum reflected in the paint of the tiles, the density of grass, the size of windows. our route was stanford to san francisco, and i was reminded that northern california began as farmland, and those origins still exist, despite the notions of tech and entrepreneurship that pervade the conversation. we were just out in the sun, biking. i circled in my thoughts, meandering. an almost flow state. we passed fog overlooking the distant hills and homes, a double rainbow reflecting outward; we biked 41 miles, and we arrived at night, buzzing from RX bars and gatorade.
as of now, i feel good (we will see in the morning lol)—i feel like i am returning to my younger self, devoid of distractions and deceptions. i’m paying attention to my body, no longer a “floating head” as my mom sometimes describes me. i have bigger feelings, and i share them without fear. i no longer pick at the words i choose and shelve my interiority. this trip is very intimate, very human, and i think i lost that for some stretches in my life. all that to say, i notice myself wanting to prolong each moment, to stare in hopes that time will halt and somehow internalize all the richness that i witness. and what a lovely thing to want.
Sincerely,
Victoria
okay!!!!! goodbye.
P.S. my goal is to not lose my sunglasses (1/70-something complete)
