I’m proud to say that our team finally wrapped up our first teaching commitment — workshops over June 22 and June 23 at the Boys and Girls Club in Carson City, Nevada. We jammed to my all-time favorite song (if you know, you know) on our first drive there and we wrapped up with a celebratory team Sonic drive through run on our final drive back. To be honest, my thoughts and feelings are quite jumbled among the flying shoes, proffered onion rings, hugs around the waist, and the oh so many piggyback rides. I will use this space to hash out the thoughts and feelings that stick out particularly as I sit at our host’s dining table, eyeballing the coffee cake she kindly bought us for breakfast tomorrow morning...
What I’m Grateful For
First and foremost, I want to shout out the staff at the Boys and Girls Club. Mastor helped coordinate the entire workshop days — he greeted us in the parking lot with the warmest smile and was a constant touch point well after the workshops wrapped. Juan not only helped set up tech time and time again, he also managed the classroom with both skill and care. He stood in the corner of the classroom as I led my first ever workshop, and that corner served as a visual anchor point of support for me. Finally, Johnny was incredibly sweet and efficient, he always made sure we had quick and easy access to any space we needed, and somehow seemed to be everywhere at once, classroom managing, snapping photos, and answering any questions we had. In all seriousness, these people are heroes. I mean it.
I led two workshops on social identities and intersectionality, and I got incredibly lucky both times I led it. Many students I worked with were engaged, shared personal stories, and some even seemed genuinely upset when I had to wrap up activities to move on in the workshop. I had two other teammates supporting me when I ran my workshop each time, so they alongside the staff always helped tremendously with classroom management. I truly could not have asked for a better support system, and I look back at these workshops with a lot of gratitude.
What Confused Me
There were many moments where I didn’t know the best ways to navigate (outside of classroom) interactions I had with students. Some were clearly brush offs. I was asked to “go down the slide so I can take your shoe away.” That was an easy no. Others were more ambiguous. I was asked constantly “are you a boy or a girl?” by the very young students, followed by “a girl? I knew it!” or “but you look like a boy!” but in all cases proceeding to then use she/her pronouns when referring to me. I didn’t know whether to explain pronouns or to simply answer the question and move on. I consistently chose the latter each time in Carson because it felt easiest. Others felt uncomfortable. I was bombarded by “are you Chinese?” and after receiving an affirmative I was met with “Konnichiwa!” or a chant “Speak Chinese! Speak Chinese!” or the occasional “then what are you doing here? I was born here, why are you here?” I defaulted to shutting down the interaction as soon as possible to prevent further rowdiness, but even then left feeling quite bewildered. If I had been 8 instead of 20 years old standing on that playground facing those words, I don’t know how I would react. One particularly jarring interaction was when a student in blackface slammed into the door of my classroom, causing all heads in the room to whip around. My jaw dropped. Of course, the student was promptly reprimanded, but the entire day I’ve been haunted by how I felt entirely shocked in the moment rather than having an immediate course of action prepared to go.
All in all, what was most surprising to me about these interactions was how entirely confused I felt in these interactions. While I personally did not feel threatened interacting with the students, it felt as if truly threatening interactions could stem from the viewpoints and opinions that could have set the foundation for the interactions that I did experience. I knew going into Spokes that I would experience a world beyond the liberal and heavily Asian American Bay Area bubble I grew up in, that didn’t properly hit until now.
My Thoughts Going Forward
I still need to do a lot of thinking about these above interactions to figure out how I want to be deliberate about navigating them. I’m excited to adjust my lessons now that I know what works well and what doesn’t. I’m curious to see how classrooms, students, and staff interactions will change as we move through the country. There’s so much to be grateful for and so much to learn — I’m ready to take that on with my coffee on coffeecake tomorrow morning.
Sincerely,
Helen