I’ve often wondered what it will be like when this trip comes to an end. What it’ll feel like when Spokes '22 finally parts ways in Washington, D.C., after 76 days of being together twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And while I know that we still have a few weeks left until we reach that point, these past few days in quarantine—separated from my team, and a bit stuck in my own head—have made those thoughts so much more real.
Stationary, confined to an Indianapolis bedroom 250 miles from the rest of my team, all I can think is that I miss spoking, and that I miss the Spokes. It’s weird going from hearing the ungodly sound of six alarms going off simultaneously each morning to the utter stillness of the air when I wake up alone. I think my stomach is rebelling a little, too. It’s too used to being fed oatmeal, chili, spaghetti, and a rotating selection of “durable” fruits (apples, oranges, and the occasional watermelon, if we’ve earned it), and so anything else—no matter how delicious—seems to mildly affront it. I miss the tedious, yet comforting pattern of moving, resting, moving, resting that has so reliably brought us closer to our end destination. These days, I think instead of how each pedal the Spokes make brings us closer to a time and place where we can be reunited.
I’ve not-so-missed waiting for five other people to shower before I can, inescapable heat and humidity, and pesky mosquitoes (and Sophias) that never seem to leave me alone; but even then, there’s a sort of nostalgia associated with those experiences that I can’t help but feel a phantom pain for. Being indoors for three days now, it's true that I’ve gotten used to certain comforts again. And while I know I don’t need them, it’s good to be reminded that these comforts exist. And to be reminded that I know how to be alone, too.
A practice that I do sometimes, one that’s become a sort of strategy for getting myself out of the dumps when I’m having a hard time, is something psychologists call mental time travel. It’s remarkably simple, but effective: it’s where I remind myself that even if I’m experiencing awful emotions right now, that sometime down the road, I’ll be okay again. By engaging myself in this form of imagination, it becomes clear that whatever I’m dealing with will eventually pass: I just need the patience.
I’m finding myself doing a different kind of mental time travel these days. Quarantine has given me a taste of what post-Spokes life might look like. I’m far away from Joel, Aja, Parth, Timothy, Sophia, and Vincent, but I feel as connected to them as ever. I’m imagining, again, what life will be like when this trip closes out. I’m unsure of what’ll happen when and after we say goodbye, but I know it’ll be okay, as clichéd as that is. As of now, I’m patiently waiting to rejoin my team, grateful for every text and update I get from them during this time. It’s a powerful antidote for unrest.
Katherine
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Anyway, because writing still stresses me out, but lists somehow make it okay, here’s a log of the things I did in isolation today. Despite having the sniffles and being quite tired, I wanted to navigate today with intentionality, almost like I was mimicking a spoking day. I even changed my phone time from EST back to CDT! I was able to get some work done, recalibrate a bit, and have some fun too.
7 am: woke up at the same time as the Spokes, in a show of solidarity. made my bed, put in my contacts and changed into a nicer outfit for no one else but myself. ate breakfast.
8 am: got a text from Timothy that everyone was COVID negative! got to work organizing my belongings, deciding what to throw out and what to send back home (I was supposed to do this a long time ago, but didn’t get around to it. Never too late to lighten Ody’s load, I guess)
9:30 am: sunscreened and went on a walk around the neighborhood while listening to new music and looking at the plants and birds
10:45 am: started a K-drama while eating an early lunch. it’s called Extraordinary Attorney Woo.
11:30 am: remembered that I was sick and took a much needed nap.
2 pm: woke up and continued organizing. emails.
3 pm: snack time - guava cookies! remembered I don’t like guava.
3:30 pm: ????
5 pm: learned a dance. feels good to break a sweat. checked the team's locations for probably the hundredth time today (it’s not as creepy as it sounds. or is it?)
6:30 pm: shower. used the one face mask I've been harboring this whole trip. decided to cut my bangs (quarantine does weird things to yah) while calling friends.
7:30 pm: dinner.
8:30 pm: combination of doing laundry and rolling around on the bed.
10 pm: wrote and published the blog :)
